Laughing at Old People Until You Become One
When you are young, old people seem funny. They move at a glacial speed. They complain about their aching body parts, and the next minute they have a deer-in-the-headlights expression. They forgot what the fuck they were saying. You look at them and laugh.
Then one morning you look in the mirror and start laughing at the guy staring back. You realize all the laughing at old people you did in the past has caught up with you and is biting you in the ass. Congratulations! You are fucking old, yourself!
And Your Body Has Its Own Plans
When you are young, you can stay out all night, eat terrible food, sleep for just a few hours, and somehow function the next morning.
Later in life, you can injure yourself, straining your hamstring while sleeping.
Julius Kabana, the author of Windgap: Stories and Observations of Bullsh*tters, jokes about pulling a muscle in his hamstring. Not while running a marathon. His ass simply decided it had worked enough.
Soon every body part develops an opinion. Your knee complains. Your ass gets itchy. Your bladder creates a continuous fountain of piss whether you like it or not.
In the book, Julius does not pretend aging is graceful. His version comes with aching body parts, no filter when talking, which leads to sarcastic and hilarious life situations that somehow make getting old a pubic hair better.
As a kid, Julius and his brother enjoyed tormenting their grandfather. The man was really old. Permanently grumpy and unable to catch two boys who knew exactly when to run. Now Julius is around the same age as his grandfather.
Ain't that a bitch!
Old age has a way of kicking you in the balls when you least expect it. It has a funny way of leveling out the playing field, to the point that you can't see the playing field, let alone play in it.
Want more? The whole Windgap gang (Mr. Lazy, Stinky, Mini Hoover, and the rest) is waiting in Windgap: Stories and Observations of Bullsh#tters.
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