Before Smartphones, We Were Dumb. Having Smartphones Definitely Makes You Dumber, If That Is Possible!
Before smartphones, people were naturally dumb. The old-fashioned way. Now, with smartphones, we went from stupid to becoming idiots.
We lost our way. We forgot phone numbers, the names of people we have known for years, and even how old you are, to name a few.
Before smartphones, we believed stupid things because we were stupid. Smartphones came along and gave us instant access to almost everything humanity has ever learned in the palm of your hand.
Naturally, we became dumb as a rock.
In Windgap: Stories and Observations of Bullsh*tters, Julius Kabana looks at technology the same way he looks at everything else. It can be useful, amazing, confusing, and absolutely hilarious.
We Somehow Survived Without Cell Phones
Julius tells his kids there were no cell phones when he was young. They look at him like he spent his childhood living in a cave with Fred Flintstone.
Then comes the obvious question.
“How did you communicate?”
People actually talked to one another. FACE TO FACE!
I know. Horrifying!
There were pay phones everywhere. You carried coins. If nobody answered, you tried again later. You could actually leave the house without anybody knowing exactly where you were. It was exhilarating.
Somehow civilization survived.
Today, lose your smartphone for one minute, and you start reacting like you are missing your testicles or your vagina suddenly disappears.
Smart Phone, Dumb Owner
Calling it a “smartphone” may be one of the greatest bullshit marketing ideas ever invented.
The phone is smart. The person holding the phone is a fucking dumbass.
You have GPS and still miss the exit. You have spellcheck and still send a message nobody can understand. You have access to millions of books, and you spend fifteen minutes watching a tutorial on how to wipe your ass.
Technology gave us answers to almost everything.
We responded by watching a bear shit in the woods.
There is a fine line between stupid and idiot. Stupid is doing something because you did not know better. Idiot is having the answer in your hand and doing the wrong thing anyway.
Welcome to the Golden Age of modern life.
Every Generation Thinks the Other One Is Stupid
Julius points out the enormous technology gap between Baby Boomers and younger generations. His kids handle computers like major-league players. Julius puts himself somewhere around tee-ball.
Boomers stare at smartphones like it might accidentally launch a nuclear missile. Younger people act like someone handed them a scalding hot piece of shit.
Good ideas turn bad. Bad ideas turn to shit.
Eventually, everyone becomes a moron in different degrees.
That is the circle of life.
Eventually Your Search History Changes
Technology changes, and so do the things we care about.
When you are young, you use your phone to look up music, restaurants, dates, sports, and vacations.
When you get older, the searches become more personal.
“I pulled my groin while getting out of bed.”
“How many pills can I take together before I pass out?”
“Is pissing every hour at night normal?”
And finally, the question nobody thought they would ever seriously research:
“How many bowel movements should I have in one day?”
Personally, taking a shit first thing in the morning starts my day in a positive manner. That and breathing are the two most important outcomes of the day.
Your smartphone has access to the entire knowledge of mankind, and you are using it to investigate your shit.
Progress!
Smartphones did not make people stupid. People were doing a perfectly good job of that before technology arrived.
The smartphone just made it faster.
And now we have screenshots to prove it.
Want more? The whole Windgap gang (Mr. Lazy, Stinky, Mini Hoover, and the rest) is waiting in Windgap: Stories and Observations of Bullsh#tters.
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